See, the thing is.......

My dad & I at my sister's wedding :)

it'sabouttogetrealsappy

If you know me or my family, then you know that my dad passed away 3 years ago today, August 8th, the day after my sister's birthday. & if you didn't know...well now you do..haha.



For those of you who were lucky enough to have known my dad, you know that he always went the extra mile to ensure that you were smiling or laughing. Never a dull moment with that guy. Even while he was going through all his treatments, and when he was in pain, he always made sure we were smiling. Always making sure we ended the day laughing and woke up smiling.
He never did anything wrong to anyone, had a heart of gold....he'd never hurt a fly. He always went the extra mile to make people's day, and he was the most hardworking man I'd ever met.....so it's still a little tough to understand why this happened to my dad, of all people.

The whole situation is a rough & confusing one, so let's just make it simple. Dad had cancer. We were blessed, in a sense, they told us that he only had a matter of a few months to live, but naturally, he shocked everyone and beat around the bush for 2 whole years.

In those two years, so much happened. So much confusion, so much growing up, so much...learning to accept. Learning to cope with the fact that my dad is never going to see me graduate or my dad is never going to be there to walk me down the aisle, yeah that's still a little hard to swallow for me. I know, he's always there in spirit, he's always watching you, I know...trust me I know... but it's not the same. not even close.

It's been three years and it still hasn't gotten any easier, not even a little bit. If anything, it's harder than ever.

This post is so jumbled and it barely makes sense, kinda like the emotions I have going on, bear with me, eventually it'll have a point, maybe.

I think one of my favorite memories, was seeing him at my sister's wedding. I hadn't seen him THAT happy in a long time, genuinely happy. The smile he wore on his face that entire day, even when we all knew he was in pain, was priceless. I'd kill to be able to relive that day, one more time, even if it was just for a second. I'll never forget it.

familia

There's just so much I wish I could go back in time and fix, so much I wish I could say, so much....I wish I could change. I wish I could just sit down face to face and tell him how sorry I am. How terrible I felt (& still feel) for the way I treated you that summer, that summer when it all fell apart. I was a monster to you, and that's putting it lightly. I wish I would've spent more time with you, instead of ducking my face in the stupid computer every 5 seconds. I wish I would've tried harder to be a better kid. I wish I would've said 'I love you' more & took more pictures, and hugged you more. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you more.

None the less, I hope you know how much I love you and how much I miss you. Not a second of the day goes by that you don't cross my mind. I'll never forget your jokes, or the way you used to wake me up for school in the morning by singing into my fan, or the way you shared your passion and love with everyone you came into contact with.  Above all, I just wish I could tell my dad Thank You.
Thank you dad, not only for the blessings you've given me recently, but the life lessons you've instilled in me. You'll forever be in my heart and always on my mind. I'll carry a piece of you with me, wherever I go.

xoxo,
Kupi
(it's my nickname in my family, stems from my middle name)


This song speaks to me. Even though we have completely different situations...Noelle Bean....she just...she gets it.